


love.

by abrandnewheart



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Falling In Love, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, the one-sided bit isn't about sakuatsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrandnewheart/pseuds/abrandnewheart
Summary: An examination of love through Atsumu Miya's eyes.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 128





	love.

**Author's Note:**

> There is one scene which has one-sided atsukita, but I don't want to clog up that ship tag with something that is ultimately not an end-game ship - so just be warned!

When Atsumu is eight years old, love is in the kitchen. 

It is in his mother’s cooking and the way she laughs and sings as she prepares dinner. It is steamed into every single grain of rice and baked into every sweet treat. Love is the way she writes notes for their packed lunches to wish them a good day at school. 

When Atsumu cuts his knee while he’s playing and sobs until there is snot running down his face, it is into the kitchen he goes, and his mother cleans him up and kisses it better. When it is their birthday, it is a small affair, with family crowded around a cake that their mother prepared and which is bigger than Atsumu’s head. When there are fights with Samu, they sit around the table and their mother sorts them out until they’re both smiling again. 

The kitchen is the heart of their home, and Atsumu wonders what their home would be without it. 

~

When Atsumu is thirteen, love is being on the court. 

It is the way his body floods with adrenaline with every game. It is the way he competes with Samu and they push themselves harder and harder together. It is in every drop of sweat, every close call and every narrow win. 

Love is even in the way his muscles ache after games, and the way he sinks down into the bath to try and ease the ache. It is there, because those aches are the sign of a job well done, and a sign that he is working hard. 

Love is winning competitions and holding shiny, fake gold medals in his hands. It is in the way his teammates pull him into group hugs and offer high fives even after the worst kind of temper tantrums. 

Love is the way he stays long after practice with Osamu, practicing serves. Love is the way he keeps trying until he gets it right—or maybe that is just competitiveness. 

When both lead to wanting to practice just five minutes more, is there any real difference?

~

When Atsumu is eighteen, love is found in Kita Shinsuke.

Atsumu thinks he knows everything there is to know. He is sure he understands the way of the world, because he has lived in it for long enough. It is Kita who makes him question his assumptions. 

He does not understand the quiet authority that Kita exudes or the way he makes a silence more compelling than a shout. He does not understand the way Kita manages to balance a dozen responsibilities at once and dedicate just enough time to all of them. He fundamentally does not understand Kita’s life philosophies—but he wants to, and he understands more now than he used to. He thinks that love is in the way he tries. 

When Atsumu musters up the courage to confess his feelings to Kita—ones that he has kept hidden and close to his chest, ones which sprouted in Kita’s absence like the first snowdrops of spring—he does not expect a good outcome. 

But he does not expect the simple, “I’m not interested.”

“I’d do anything for you, Kita,” Atsumu says, in what he hopes is a compelling argument. It would be, on other people, but this is Kita, and Kita is not like other people. 

Kita asks him, “Is that what you think love is?” and Atsumu does not know how to answer.

~

When Atsumu is twenty, he understands what it means to love himself. 

Because he has to, and because he deserves it. 

~

When Atsumu is twenty-two, he finds Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

Atsumu does not associate love with Sakusa. He associates Sakusa with gremlins, and cleaning, and face masks, but also with wicked spikes, and receives that rival those of any libero, and an overwhelming amount of self-care. 

Over time, he begins to associate Sakusa as an acquaintance as well as a teammate. Then, a friend. At all times, he retains his gremlinhood. 

And yet. As months go on and they grow close, there is an inescapable reality building itself around them. 

Love is in the way that Atsumu keeps spare face masks on hand, just in case. Love is in his sets, and the way he bends over backwards to make them good, not entirely metaphorically. Love is in the way they practice together and the way they don’t mind having dorms in the Jackals building beside each other. 

Atsumu thinks love is the way Sakusa brings him food when he is unwell, and teaches him about vitamins. He thinks love is the way Sakusa bleaches his roots for him when they grow out. He thinks love is the way he can sometimes get Sakusa to say ‘you’re right’. 

Atsumu also thinks love is in the way Sakusa looks at him, and he thinks that that is enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was speed-written in one night because I JUST COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT KITA. 
> 
> A quick beta was done by the wonderful by [Milo](https://twitter.com/matchamozza)!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! If you did, you can catch me [on twitter](https://twitter.com/abrandnewheart)!


End file.
